boys only want love if it's torture

[ there are few things Kanata worries much about anymore.

his high school graduation is little more than a memory, the hallowed and decrepit halls of Yumenosaki never becoming more than a stepping stone for the next phase of Shinkai Kanata's existence. maybe in another world, under different circumstances, he might've made friends there, memories, things to keep him tethered more closely to the ground.

but such events never took shape for him, here, where he performs to packed venues of fans just as fervent as his true believers, where he's never known a fall. instead, everything became so very ... quaint, to him. fun to watch as a god does, from on high, laughing at all the little lives milling beneath his feet.

it means he doesn't have much respect for things like the privacy of a fellow performer's dressing room, especially when it happens to belong to one of his servants. even if it feels like Madara avoids him now, sometimes, for reasons Kanata can't possibly fathom, that doesn't change his position as Kanata's beloved childhood 'friend' one bit. they're the only two recent Yumenosaki alumni to make much of themselves, as well, so he should really be expecting to see Kanata sooner or later on the night of their shared live. probably sooner. ]

Mikejima~

[ he pokes his head in without knocking, giving the room a quick scan for any signs of life. ]

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[ as for madara, he had been dreading this performance since the moment he was asked to attend. in general, he avoids kanata face to face whenever possible, knowing he can't say no to him, for cult reasons and loyalty reasons and deeply rooted unfortunate feelings of attachment. but despite it all, he still cares and worries about him, romantically and otherwise, even though this is not the same person he once knew - even though something dark and twisted took over kanata and made him believe he's a real "god" somewhere along the way, which madara is still determined to prove wrong and refuses to acknowledge as true.

just because they're performing at the same venue doesn't mean they need to interact. he keeps to himself just fine, enjoying this for what it is, trying not to think of just how uncomfortable it'll be to run into kanata backstage. he's working the buttons of his shirt near the collar when he sees kanata's head peeking in through the reflection, which, startles madara frozen in place right after hearing that airy voice call out to him. ]

Kanata-san . . . What are you doing here? Do you need help?

[ just tell him what it is and let him be done with it soon. ]

I wanted to see you, Mikejima.

[ what other reason could he possibly need? if Kanata wants something, there's no possible reason for him to deny himself. the world owes him these little indulgences, if it wants to keep on his good side.

completely ignoring the fact that Madara did not invite him in, Kanata slides through the door and into the dressing room, eyes darting around like a curious child as he beelines over to where Madara's getting dressed. he looks him up and down, hands reaching out to tug at parts of his outfit with no regard for Madara's personal space or comfort. it seems innocent enough, with the dreamy smile fixed on face, but intent can be hard to gauge with Kanata these days. ]

I missed you. Did you miss me?

[ meeting his childhood friend shouldn't be this chilling, and yet, his arm twitches, as if his immediate response was to swat him away— but of course, he doesn't. because it's kanata, and he can't. ]

Is your time on stage already over? Shouldn't you be at your own dressing room?

[ pointedly ignoring his question... just looking at him, wary. ]

[ it stings to have Madara treat him so coldly. when they were younger he'd go to any lengths in order to give Kanata a simple greeting or tell him about something interesting he saw in the world outside the Shinkai household. that seems to have changed at some point, for reasons Kanata can't fathom. it's not like anything changed between them— they're the same as they ever were. Kanata is a god, and Madara is his servant. it's simple. ]

I finished my 'performance', so I wanted to to come see Mikejima.

[ he frowns, long strands of hair slipping over his shoulders as his head droops. ]

Mikejima isn't happy to see me like I am happy to see him. Did I 'wrong' him?

[ kanata tends to be the main act, so madara didn't mind being the opening act. everyone is here to see their god, anyway. even though they're all just brainwashed, by madara's standards.

he looks at kanata, and his body language, and he almost feels sorry for him. still, being cold only gets him so far. it's always easier to be at least somewhat amicable, in a neutral way. ]

You could never wrong me, Kanata-san. [ a very rehearsed reply he has probably said many, many times before. ] But wouldn't you rather go soak in a bathtub for a few hours?

'Soaking' would be nice ... it is not easy to 'perform' if you are too wet, but if I wait too long and become 'dry' it will be a problem.

[ Kanata muses to himself, reaching one hand up to stroke his own face, mouth turning down into a frown when he confirms a lack of moisture. ]

I will be going back to the hotel soon to 'soak' there ...

[ he pauses, eyes lighting up as an idea what will clearly solve both of his problems at once comes to him. leaning forward with a broad smile, he reaches out to tug on one of Madara's sleeve, a gesture reminiscent of their childhoods. ]

It would be much better if Mikejima came along too~

[ uh... "without me" should have been implied?? he just offers him a wry laugh, letting his sleeve be tugged. he considers protesting, but that has never worked in the past. ]

I can walk you back to your room, sure.

[ "but that's it" - also implied. ]

That is 'good'! I'm glad we can spend more time together.

[ Kanata beams at Madara, bright and pure he most definitely is not not and hasn't been for years, but maybe that's on purpose. like the lure of an angler fish, meant to disarm and distract, it makes it easier for him to loop both of his arms around one of Madara's to tug him out of the dressing room and away.

it's not a long walk, at least. lined with faithful body guards who don't bat an eye at their god dragging along an imposing and almost as famous figure, sure, but that's how going with Kanata anywhere is. he putters along happily, still holding on to Madara, until he stops in front of the door that must be his own. ]

My room is here.

[ madara says nothing along the way, knowing full well that once his arm is trapped like that, there's no way he'll break free. he reluctantly walks alongside him, occasionally stealing some glances over at kanata, thinking of that smile he gave him earlier - disarming, but certainly not the reason madara agreed to come along. it's his duty, that's all.

once they're at his room, he casually tries to slip out of his grip. ]

Very well. Do you need anything else from me? Do you want me to call room service for you? Anything you want, I'll be happy to have it sent your way!

Anything I want?

[ the moment Madara attempts to dislodge his arm, Kanata's grip tightens. his expression doesn't betray that he's noticed the escape attempt, staying just as genial as he's been for this entire exchange. Kanata's not blind to the fact that Madara's become more reluctant to spend time with him over the years, even if he doesn't quite understand why. it does make him sad, but in the end it's little more to him than a temporary roadblock.

Kanata gives him another smile as he gently tugs on his arm, in the direction of the door. ]

I'm going to take a 'bath'. I want Mikejima to come along.

[ the part of him that knows kanata can't swim sometimes has some pretty dark thoughts whenever kanata mentions taking baths or splashing around. thankfully the part that still sometimes thinks of him as a friend is stronger - not to mention the cult's reach is far and vast and there are some lines that must not be crossed.

by this point, he knows trying to free himself again is pointless, so he lets kanata tug him along, walking behind him inside his room while something quiet, similar to fear, settles in his stomach. he reaches back with his free hand to close the door behind them. ]

You just want me to observe, right? Make sure you don't drown?

[ since he knows bath time for kanata is usually just walk in a full bathtub with clothes on. ]

I want to spend time with Mikejima. It wouldn't matter if something like 'drowning' happened.

[ so that's a yes to ... something. perhaps not what Mikejima's assuming, but doesn't give any further elaboration on what other possibilities might be. he leads Madara further inside, to the bathroom, where only after crossing the threshold into his holy realm of rehydration does he let go of Madara's arm. he moves to perch on the edge of the tub, not yet moving to turn the water. ]

I will get 'scolded' if I get this outfit 'wet'. Would Mikejima help me with it?

...Are you sure you want to get in there with no clothes on? That's unusual for you, Kanata-san.

[ but by now, he knows better than to talk back. he knows kanata is impossible to negotiate with, specially with how much he seems to thrive when antagonized, knowing he'll always have the upper hand against anyone in the cult who defies his authority. and even someone like madara, who has experienced his miracles first-hand yet fully defends his position that kanata is human, can't help but be frustrated at how powerless he is against the whims of a brat.

so, he doesn't fight it. he takes a deep breath and holds it, hoping to keep it in along with the rest of his emotions, stepping closer to kanata to help him get out of his clothes. ]

You really need to learn how to do some things by yourself, you know.

[ ...fine, sometimes he does let himself talk back a little, in a friendly tone at least, but with words filled with more resentment than he'd ever admit. ]

Eh? But Mikejima is here to help me with things like this.

[ he smiles, holding out his arms to Madara like an overeager child. ]

Would it be better to leave them on? That might 'ruin' parts of it. It would be 'bad' if I caused unneeded trouble for the people 'working' so hard on these things, wouldn't it?

[ as if that's stopped Kanata from jumping directly into tubs or pools in full live outfits before. Kanata can say he cares for his followers as much he likes, but his actions towards them vary in thoughtfulness depending on his mood.

old gods such as Kanata are expected to be fickle in their in favor, of course. the rest of the Shinkai clan has no problem capitulating to his volatile benevolence— Madara's the only one to ever let his annoyance with him slip. it makes him stand out among the otherwise faithful crowd, for better or worse. ]

[ madara is well aware that kanata knows how he really feels about all this. he knows he can tell when madara is being passive-aggressive, and that he's never once bought into idolizing him. but the thing that frustrates him the most is that kanata never punishes him directly. he's never once gotten actively angry at madara enough to give madara an out; to let him lash out at kanata and pretend to be offended and finally have a good reason to leave. he's always so calm and in control... it's the worst.

he seethes, quietly, as he helps kanata out of his clothes; his body exactly like that of a human's, of course. he folds them neatly and sets them aside, turning to him at the end. ]

I don't really need to prepare the bath or anything, right? Since you prefer cold water.

[ cold like your heart. ]

I like it 'cold', but 'cold' water is not good for humans. If Mikejima is going to puka with me, it should be at a temperature that he likes.

[ because of course Mama is getting into the tub with him, right? why else would Kanata make him come all the way up here. ]

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boys only want love if it's torture

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